It comes upon us so unannounced. We, the unsuspecting student, struggling through our labs and exams and the continual guilt of ignoring all that does not promote the better of our academic career. We hear about it often, have possibly even flirted with the idea of it, but never in our wildest dreams has it ever created any kind of reality for us. Until one day, while we are so innocently studying for the upcoming exams (or procrastinating, as that happens often), the question of the rest of our lives hits us smack! in the back of our heads.
Well, the back of my head anyways. I wont pretend that I am unique in my uncanny ability to quickly turn my head away from the 'rest of my life', we all have our times when we keep our sanity in the present by living the future through glimpses caught out of the corner of our eyes. But I do think that I have managed to avoid it more than most. It was so set, you see, so obvious just what I would do - I had no need to concern myself with it. Go to school, do well. Get into university, do well. Get a job, do well. Not once had I ever doubted the "do well"-ability. And, for the most part, I never needed to. I did well in high school, got a scholarship to a great university, was enrolled in a program that I genuinely love and am passionate about, and even managed to obtain back-to-back summer research positions doing something I truly like for someone I truly admire. And at not a bad salary either. Yes, I had Done Well.
And there it stops. I've done well. But the doing, oh the doing is not so good at all. Things got a bit harder. I was easier to distract. I got a social life. All or none, but combined somehow this and more has contributed to my steady downslide into a life that is not doing the kind of well that I had once taken for granted. The A+ isn't just farther away, its in another time-space dimension. And along with those celebrated high marks goes all of my once certainties. The given of a good job isn't given anymore. Its true - I looked it up, GPA counts in the Science world. My once endless options have narrowed to but a few. Reality has closed in on me. And I'm so far down the tunnel that I can't even turn around. So what do I do now? The question is a resounding echo of that smack on the back of my head.
Oh I've got options. I know of a guy with a chemistry major that's a manager at a Wal-Mart. And that call center across the bridge pays out a pretty decent hourly rate. But those aren't the options I want to consider. I have such dreams, such plans, such high aspiring goals. So I am forced to explore the idea of the rest of my life. Continuing with a physics degree seemed like the perfect solution. What could be better than more learning? That's two more years of head ducking and reality avoiding. And I really really love physics. But after this year? I won't deceive myself with the optimism of top of the class GPA and research opportunities falling into my lap. I'm beginning to learn my lesson now. And do I really want to spend 2 more years of my life filled with labs and exams? All to attain another undergraduate degree that just might take me nowhere. So what else? Graduate studies you might ask, and oh how I've contemplated it. At least until that ugly GPA rears its head. Sometimes it all feels so hopeless. A far cry from the "get a job, do well" attitude I started with.
But that's all it is right now, just an attitude. Maybe I'm cranky because my head hurts. Stupid reality. Stupid me for ignoring the fact that life has to start sometime. I've been living in four month spurts (fall, winter, summer - the school semesters) and have been peacefully oblivious to the idea that life doesn't really run this way. So I guess I've got some thinking to do. I was hoping that a bit of blogging would help, but it seems that I've just talked myself in circles and have yet to find a way to satisfactorily avoid all of my issues. Perhaps this is the problem at the heart of it all - avoidance. But that's for another night, another blog, another exam to procrastinate studying for.
And so, stupid by actions, and humbled by Gods grace, I bid adieu, and am going to go drown myself in the mathematical wonders of the physical sciences. (I give myself about 5 minutes before I pass out).
<>< peace
Saturday, December 11, 2004
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
Yeah! someone loves me :D
Poem for you
laura laura lu
oh how I love you!!!
I know it sounds sappy
but you ve made me so happy
I can't even believe
This idea you ve concieved
Has been made to me
a reality!!!
now i will think only of Vancouver
as opposed to that goober
who sits across the hall from me
in this world of policy
We will have so much fun
if we don't run out of funds
The idea that it is free
Is quite exciting to me
We will laugh and swim -
maybe meet the perfect him?
Enjoying the fish and sun
We could even learn how to run;)
But for now I will say adieu
For I am in the work milieu!
Love you!!! SG
laura laura lu
oh how I love you!!!
I know it sounds sappy
but you ve made me so happy
I can't even believe
This idea you ve concieved
Has been made to me
a reality!!!
now i will think only of Vancouver
as opposed to that goober
who sits across the hall from me
in this world of policy
We will have so much fun
if we don't run out of funds
The idea that it is free
Is quite exciting to me
We will laugh and swim -
maybe meet the perfect him?
Enjoying the fish and sun
We could even learn how to run;)
But for now I will say adieu
For I am in the work milieu!
Love you!!! SG
Monday, November 08, 2004
All in a days work
the ants go marching two by two
the little one stops to stare at you
see his unblinking bloodshot eyes?
he's been shooting up since he was five
his girlfriend there, with tired feet
she loves him so, she walks the street
and when men come to lay their claim
she shuts her eyes and dreams of fame
but it's not a perfect world, we cry
and venture to ask: do they even try?
we blind our eyes so it wont be real
we know its there yet we refuse to feel
and ants march by, watched from above
birds and spiders control their love
as you and I climb to the sky
to reach the goals we set so high
the good girls can be butterflies,
and boys can all be bees
and the ants can just keep marching,
underneath the trees
24/03/04
the little one stops to stare at you
see his unblinking bloodshot eyes?
he's been shooting up since he was five
his girlfriend there, with tired feet
she loves him so, she walks the street
and when men come to lay their claim
she shuts her eyes and dreams of fame
but it's not a perfect world, we cry
and venture to ask: do they even try?
we blind our eyes so it wont be real
we know its there yet we refuse to feel
and ants march by, watched from above
birds and spiders control their love
as you and I climb to the sky
to reach the goals we set so high
the good girls can be butterflies,
and boys can all be bees
and the ants can just keep marching,
underneath the trees
24/03/04
Sunday, October 17, 2004
I'm gonna show you love in every language
Rain rain on my face. Hasn't stopped raining for days.
The opening lines of Jars of Clay. Or were they the opening? Funny how out of only 4 songs I cant remember what came when. It was the excitement I believe, my excitement at actually hearing jars of clay singing live not 40 feet away from me. Excitement? There must be another word for it, that doesn't seem to come close. I was jumping up and down. And not at the appropriate song jumping moments. It was the random I-love-you-guys kind of jumping. Ah yeah. I love crazy people in crowds.
And the music. Oh the music was so great. It was so amazing to hear the words actually coming from them. Jars of Clay has been such a part of my, 'spiritual journey' I guess is a good way to put it. Their songs seem to mimic my thoughts and feelings so much ( I think I've posted something like this before, I wont get into it) and its just so much to be able to hear it live. I'm listening right now, to the "If I Left the Zoo" album. Funny how they sound different, after seeing them in person.
We even waited outside the tour bus *sigh*.... groupie-wannabe-sad I know. It started out as an effort to cheer Sharon up, "We'll shake the bus! And then they'll come out and sing your favorite song for you!" and then they weren't there (at least no bus) but we saw a bus, so we ran after it--only to discover that it was just a bus there to pick up a group of kids and old people. So we walked on, rounded the corner, and there was a BIG WHITE BUS. It HAD to be theirs. And while it was running, there was no driver. So, convienently waiting for our "moms to pick us up", we stayed outside the doors and chatted. And chatted. And chatted. And then someone wanted to go home. So we chatted a bit more. And then, lo and behold, there was the drummer! And so we laughed, and chatted some more. The guitarist and lead singer also came out, while we continued to chat. Then feeling suitably foolish for waiting for them with out actually speaking to them, we took off for dairyqueen. And ran into some people videotaping in the street and this cute guy with an accent asked us if we'd had a great time at the festival. hehe, Sharon said they were the African band - tree 63?... But I doubt it.
So that was the night. There was a whole lot more - the other bands, some inspirational talking, some prayer, Franklin Grahm - but for me it was the Jars of Clay action that was the ultimate highlight. That and the part where the whole floor of the stadium was filled with people giving their lives to God. Jesus Rocks Man! It feels so great to be surrounded by that. That kind of amazing feeling that you'll never ever find anywhere else but in the presence of God.
Jars also played MY favorite song - Love Song for a savior. It was truly great.
"He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heaven"
"And we'll fall in his arms and the tears will fall down and we'll pray"
"I want to fall in love with you"
<><
The opening lines of Jars of Clay. Or were they the opening? Funny how out of only 4 songs I cant remember what came when. It was the excitement I believe, my excitement at actually hearing jars of clay singing live not 40 feet away from me. Excitement? There must be another word for it, that doesn't seem to come close. I was jumping up and down. And not at the appropriate song jumping moments. It was the random I-love-you-guys kind of jumping. Ah yeah. I love crazy people in crowds.
And the music. Oh the music was so great. It was so amazing to hear the words actually coming from them. Jars of Clay has been such a part of my, 'spiritual journey' I guess is a good way to put it. Their songs seem to mimic my thoughts and feelings so much ( I think I've posted something like this before, I wont get into it) and its just so much to be able to hear it live. I'm listening right now, to the "If I Left the Zoo" album. Funny how they sound different, after seeing them in person.
We even waited outside the tour bus *sigh*.... groupie-wannabe-sad I know. It started out as an effort to cheer Sharon up, "We'll shake the bus! And then they'll come out and sing your favorite song for you!" and then they weren't there (at least no bus) but we saw a bus, so we ran after it--only to discover that it was just a bus there to pick up a group of kids and old people. So we walked on, rounded the corner, and there was a BIG WHITE BUS. It HAD to be theirs. And while it was running, there was no driver. So, convienently waiting for our "moms to pick us up", we stayed outside the doors and chatted. And chatted. And chatted. And then someone wanted to go home. So we chatted a bit more. And then, lo and behold, there was the drummer! And so we laughed, and chatted some more. The guitarist and lead singer also came out, while we continued to chat. Then feeling suitably foolish for waiting for them with out actually speaking to them, we took off for dairyqueen. And ran into some people videotaping in the street and this cute guy with an accent asked us if we'd had a great time at the festival. hehe, Sharon said they were the African band - tree 63?... But I doubt it.
So that was the night. There was a whole lot more - the other bands, some inspirational talking, some prayer, Franklin Grahm - but for me it was the Jars of Clay action that was the ultimate highlight. That and the part where the whole floor of the stadium was filled with people giving their lives to God. Jesus Rocks Man! It feels so great to be surrounded by that. That kind of amazing feeling that you'll never ever find anywhere else but in the presence of God.
Jars also played MY favorite song - Love Song for a savior. It was truly great.
"He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heaven"
"And we'll fall in his arms and the tears will fall down and we'll pray"
"I want to fall in love with you"
<><
Monday, October 11, 2004
...Lust at a $7 cover charge
Ahhh, the Palace. La Palaci. Last chance for Romance. Lust at the price of a $7 cover and a couple of glasses of cheap alcohol.
So why did I go there last night? Not to pick up, for sure. To ogle guys? To be ogled by guys? To have that brief contact with someone purely on the basis that he is male and I am female? At one time these reasons would have worked, back in the tender days of being 19 and fresh in a club (I shudder at the thought). But not now. So why do I go? Why did I drink half a bottle of wine last night, get dressed up in my heels, put on mascara and gloss, and then catch a bus to that very place? I honestly do not have an answer to that.
In the beginning I needed the confidence it gave me - guys hit on the hot girls, and somehow I always got hit on. But thats not me now, I'm so past that - being hot or not isn't an issue anymore, and besides, guys at a club will hit on just about anything. This discovered knowledge didn't stop me from going out and doing stupid stuff. Instead I went under the pretense that I wanted to go dancing. The music was worth the rest of the crap one had to put up with while out. And I do love shaking my booty on the dance floor. Pony, Peaches&Cream, Bootylicious... The songs get my hips movin. I'd be on the dance floor all night, whiskey in hand, avoiding eye-contact with the drunk guy next to me; his hands too, as was often the case. It worked fine for a long time--aside from the occasional "Get Lost" I had a great time. Until something changed. Maybe it was the music, we steered away from the pounding bass and sexy lyrics to the down right dirty bump-and-grind action. Catering to the people, and the people wanted music to grind to. The People, excluding me. I've grown way above bumping and grinding on a dance floor. Except, if my reason for going out was to dance, and now I don't even like the dancing action on the floor, why do I still go out?
I cant fathom it. Last night was, to be honest, terrifically boring. Sure, I checked out some guys, got checked out, had a few laughs. But did I really need to go through all the crap to get there??? It's not worth it. Not at the palace anyways. I don't really desire to see a bunch of half dressed teenagers having sex on a dance floor because they're too drunk to see straight. Makes me sick sometimes. Its not that I'm so much older or better than them. I was there! Not even a whole year ago. Its sad really. I love getting dressed up, I love wine and gin and heels and earrings. I love walking with confidence through a crowd. Getting drinks at the bar and flirting with the bartender. But I don't love getting my ass grabbed by some drunk buffoon who has lost all the manners his momma gave him (or didn't, as may be the case). I don't love feeling sad because some poor girl could be making the biggest mistake. Because some guy is making the same mistake. Because we are told that its ok. Because our society is so centered on things like looking good and getting laid. Because I support all this crap by being there.
I suppose we all grow up eventually. I hope we all do. I haven't seen a whole lot of convincing evidence, but there must come an age and maturity when we're above it all. When a classy bar with martinis, or an easy pub and beer, or a couch and some friends, looks a hundred times better than having the drink you just spent 6 bucks on spilt down the cleavage of a shirt you really shouldn't be wearing. When we come to realize that there's more to going out and having a good time than just getting laid. That having a guy hit on you for your boobs (or ass or drunken state) is degrading, not flattering. We are so much more than that--why do we settle for less?
I might not be there yet--I'll still go back to the Palace (or Dome or Rain or wherever). But the time is coming like a whirlwind when I'll see that I've got better things to do with my time then shake my ass with the rest of my drunken peers.
So why did I go there last night? Not to pick up, for sure. To ogle guys? To be ogled by guys? To have that brief contact with someone purely on the basis that he is male and I am female? At one time these reasons would have worked, back in the tender days of being 19 and fresh in a club (I shudder at the thought). But not now. So why do I go? Why did I drink half a bottle of wine last night, get dressed up in my heels, put on mascara and gloss, and then catch a bus to that very place? I honestly do not have an answer to that.
In the beginning I needed the confidence it gave me - guys hit on the hot girls, and somehow I always got hit on. But thats not me now, I'm so past that - being hot or not isn't an issue anymore, and besides, guys at a club will hit on just about anything. This discovered knowledge didn't stop me from going out and doing stupid stuff. Instead I went under the pretense that I wanted to go dancing. The music was worth the rest of the crap one had to put up with while out. And I do love shaking my booty on the dance floor. Pony, Peaches&Cream, Bootylicious... The songs get my hips movin. I'd be on the dance floor all night, whiskey in hand, avoiding eye-contact with the drunk guy next to me; his hands too, as was often the case. It worked fine for a long time--aside from the occasional "Get Lost" I had a great time. Until something changed. Maybe it was the music, we steered away from the pounding bass and sexy lyrics to the down right dirty bump-and-grind action. Catering to the people, and the people wanted music to grind to. The People, excluding me. I've grown way above bumping and grinding on a dance floor. Except, if my reason for going out was to dance, and now I don't even like the dancing action on the floor, why do I still go out?
I cant fathom it. Last night was, to be honest, terrifically boring. Sure, I checked out some guys, got checked out, had a few laughs. But did I really need to go through all the crap to get there??? It's not worth it. Not at the palace anyways. I don't really desire to see a bunch of half dressed teenagers having sex on a dance floor because they're too drunk to see straight. Makes me sick sometimes. Its not that I'm so much older or better than them. I was there! Not even a whole year ago. Its sad really. I love getting dressed up, I love wine and gin and heels and earrings. I love walking with confidence through a crowd. Getting drinks at the bar and flirting with the bartender. But I don't love getting my ass grabbed by some drunk buffoon who has lost all the manners his momma gave him (or didn't, as may be the case). I don't love feeling sad because some poor girl could be making the biggest mistake. Because some guy is making the same mistake. Because we are told that its ok. Because our society is so centered on things like looking good and getting laid. Because I support all this crap by being there.
I suppose we all grow up eventually. I hope we all do. I haven't seen a whole lot of convincing evidence, but there must come an age and maturity when we're above it all. When a classy bar with martinis, or an easy pub and beer, or a couch and some friends, looks a hundred times better than having the drink you just spent 6 bucks on spilt down the cleavage of a shirt you really shouldn't be wearing. When we come to realize that there's more to going out and having a good time than just getting laid. That having a guy hit on you for your boobs (or ass or drunken state) is degrading, not flattering. We are so much more than that--why do we settle for less?
I might not be there yet--I'll still go back to the Palace (or Dome or Rain or wherever). But the time is coming like a whirlwind when I'll see that I've got better things to do with my time then shake my ass with the rest of my drunken peers.
Monday, October 04, 2004
<><
... This is so beautiful... Jars of Clay are so very blessed... WE are so very blessed! I think this must be my favorite Jars song...
Love Song For A Savior ~ Jars of Clay
In open fields of wild flowers,
she breathes the air and flies away
She thanks her Jesus for the daises and the roses
in no simple language
Someday she'll understand the meaning of it all
He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on her lips
Someday she'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call her and she will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and she'll pray,
I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You
Sitting silent wearing Sunday best
The sermon echoes through the walls
A great salvation through it calls to the people
who stare into nowhere, and can't feel the chains on their souls
It seems too easy to call you "Savior",
Not close enough to call you "God"
So as I sit and think of words I can mention
to show my devotion
I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You
He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on our lips
Someday we'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call us and we will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and we'll pray,
I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You...
my heart beats for You...
Love Song For A Savior ~ Jars of Clay
In open fields of wild flowers,
she breathes the air and flies away
She thanks her Jesus for the daises and the roses
in no simple language
Someday she'll understand the meaning of it all
He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on her lips
Someday she'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call her and she will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and she'll pray,
I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You
Sitting silent wearing Sunday best
The sermon echoes through the walls
A great salvation through it calls to the people
who stare into nowhere, and can't feel the chains on their souls
It seems too easy to call you "Savior",
Not close enough to call you "God"
So as I sit and think of words I can mention
to show my devotion
I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You
He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on our lips
Someday we'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call us and we will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and we'll pray,
I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You...
my heart beats for You...
Wednesday, September 15, 2004
common sense - sound practical judgment
So it's been a bit. School's started. Classes are crazy; 3 chems and 2 physics. So far the favorites are quantum and theory (physics), but the organic lab looks like its going to be fun - Ian, or Dr. Pottie I suppose, is pretty ok for lab. Jenni is going to make me die in BioChem tho. God I don't know why I'm in that course...
but that's not the point for the blog. It occurred to me tonight that some people simply lack all common sense. And by common sense I mean the real core basic stuff... Like, you don't swim in lightening, you don't leave your glass alone at a skeezy bar, you don't drink and drive. And smoking a joint while driving is just a dumb thing to do. Just because people 'do it all the time' doesn't make it ok dammit. People die all the time too. grrr. Beating people over the head with a 2x4 isn't the best way to make them listen is it? I don't understand how such good people can make such stupid decisions. Not to say I don't make stupid decisions some times, I've had my share of those, but I at least have some decent common sense.
"COMMON SENSE, med. jur. When a person possesses those perceptions, associations and judgments, in relation to persons and things, which agree with those of the generality of mankind, he is said to possess common sense. On the contrary, when a particular individual differs from the generality of persons in these respects, he is said not to have common sense, or not to be in his senses. 1 Chit. Med. Jur. 334."
"common sense - sound practical judgment "
SYNONYMS: admissibility, balance, due sense of, good sense, gumption, judgment, justifiability, justness, levelheadedness, logic, logicality, logicalness, plain sense, practical wisdom, practicality, rationality, reason, reasonableness, saneness, sanity, sense, sensibleness, sober-mindedness, soberness, sobriety, sound sense, soundness, wisdom
(just making sure everyone's on the same page with this common sense stuff) My favorite synonyms are logicality, sanity, reason, and wisdom... applicable?
so you love someone who keeps acting like a dumbass, you can't yell at them because it makes you sound 'holier-than-thou" and pisses them off (and makes you feel bad), and there's no sign of a sudden enlightenment of the value of life by this person. How the fuck are you supposed to deal? Let it slide? Somehow that doesn't seem to work. Be a bitch? Well I've mastered that I guess; doesn't make me all that happy tho. I don't know. I'm venting. *poof*
maybe I don't have all that great common sense, I cant figure my way through this one. Give me quantum mechanics over reality anyday. Life is too confusing.
but that's not the point for the blog. It occurred to me tonight that some people simply lack all common sense. And by common sense I mean the real core basic stuff... Like, you don't swim in lightening, you don't leave your glass alone at a skeezy bar, you don't drink and drive. And smoking a joint while driving is just a dumb thing to do. Just because people 'do it all the time' doesn't make it ok dammit. People die all the time too. grrr. Beating people over the head with a 2x4 isn't the best way to make them listen is it? I don't understand how such good people can make such stupid decisions. Not to say I don't make stupid decisions some times, I've had my share of those, but I at least have some decent common sense.
"COMMON SENSE, med. jur. When a person possesses those perceptions, associations and judgments, in relation to persons and things, which agree with those of the generality of mankind, he is said to possess common sense. On the contrary, when a particular individual differs from the generality of persons in these respects, he is said not to have common sense, or not to be in his senses. 1 Chit. Med. Jur. 334."
"common sense - sound practical judgment "
SYNONYMS: admissibility, balance, due sense of, good sense, gumption, judgment, justifiability, justness, levelheadedness, logic, logicality, logicalness, plain sense, practical wisdom, practicality, rationality, reason, reasonableness, saneness, sanity, sense, sensibleness, sober-mindedness, soberness, sobriety, sound sense, soundness, wisdom
(just making sure everyone's on the same page with this common sense stuff) My favorite synonyms are logicality, sanity, reason, and wisdom... applicable?
so you love someone who keeps acting like a dumbass, you can't yell at them because it makes you sound 'holier-than-thou" and pisses them off (and makes you feel bad), and there's no sign of a sudden enlightenment of the value of life by this person. How the fuck are you supposed to deal? Let it slide? Somehow that doesn't seem to work. Be a bitch? Well I've mastered that I guess; doesn't make me all that happy tho. I don't know. I'm venting. *poof*
maybe I don't have all that great common sense, I cant figure my way through this one. Give me quantum mechanics over reality anyday. Life is too confusing.
Tuesday, August 03, 2004
Cottaging in Suburbia
This weekend was a most amazing time - went vacationing in PEI at a friends cottage.
. Did some lying on the beach, some swimming, a bonfire, BBQ, out for Italian food, went to a drive-in, more swimming, and slept out under the stars (so what if they were covered by clouds, they're still there dammit). It was a relaxed weekend with some good friends (old and new). I definitely was not looking forward to returning to work today. I passed out last night without setting my alarm, I think it was my subconscious rebelling and trying to scam one more day of vacation. Would of worked too, except the phone rang at 7:30.
. Thinking back now, I can't pick out any specific memories that made the weekend so great; it's all rather smushed together into one big happy lump of memories. Got a bit of a halter tan, but that's ok. More excuse to wear halters. The beach was definitely a highlight: swimming in warm ocean water under blue skies, surrounded by red red sand and incredible green grass; walking along the surf with the hot wind trying to blow away a vibrant blue sarong; jelly-fish and broken shells; water fights and reading out loud.
. "The Travelling Pants" really added to our trip. Scandalous what teens are reading these days. The CCO girls had fun reading and being crafty. I cant wait to create my PEI shell necklace. I didn't get any sand this time, but the big bottle from a few years ago should keep me through until next time. Couldn't help but think of dad as we were driving, I give him all credit for my love of roadtrips. I took the ferry home, and we played cards at the terminal waiting for our boat. Reminded me of trips to Maine Isle. Good memories. I'll have a cottage for my family to go to.
. Well, I am at work. I should get some things accomplished. Today's a good day for taking articles to read outside. Or leaving early and taking them to the Gardens to read. Its awfully hot in here.
Cheers to summer!
<><
. Did some lying on the beach, some swimming, a bonfire, BBQ, out for Italian food, went to a drive-in, more swimming, and slept out under the stars (so what if they were covered by clouds, they're still there dammit). It was a relaxed weekend with some good friends (old and new). I definitely was not looking forward to returning to work today. I passed out last night without setting my alarm, I think it was my subconscious rebelling and trying to scam one more day of vacation. Would of worked too, except the phone rang at 7:30.
. Thinking back now, I can't pick out any specific memories that made the weekend so great; it's all rather smushed together into one big happy lump of memories. Got a bit of a halter tan, but that's ok. More excuse to wear halters. The beach was definitely a highlight: swimming in warm ocean water under blue skies, surrounded by red red sand and incredible green grass; walking along the surf with the hot wind trying to blow away a vibrant blue sarong; jelly-fish and broken shells; water fights and reading out loud.
. "The Travelling Pants" really added to our trip. Scandalous what teens are reading these days. The CCO girls had fun reading and being crafty. I cant wait to create my PEI shell necklace. I didn't get any sand this time, but the big bottle from a few years ago should keep me through until next time. Couldn't help but think of dad as we were driving, I give him all credit for my love of roadtrips. I took the ferry home, and we played cards at the terminal waiting for our boat. Reminded me of trips to Maine Isle. Good memories. I'll have a cottage for my family to go to.
. Well, I am at work. I should get some things accomplished. Today's a good day for taking articles to read outside. Or leaving early and taking them to the Gardens to read. Its awfully hot in here.
Cheers to summer!
<><
Monday, July 05, 2004
a la la la
Monday: Sipping not very good coffee and eating stale cookies; desperately trying to keep my head from slipping down down down into the peaceful depths of sleep - that's how I've started this monday morning. Start? Well, continue. I was slightly more awake when I had hot water beating down over my body at 730 am... especially when the temperature suddenly jumped 10 degrees and then plummeted 25. (Aside from an unreliable shower I do like my apartment; nothing like waking up to sunshine streaming through the window.) It was cloudy this morning.
But back to work.
I actually shut the door and attempted a nap. My excuse for shutting the door when no-one does in the dept.? I was cold, and wanted the music on. Like anyone notices anyways. Its too warm in here now, and the music is gradually becoming grating, but I don't want to open the door just yet. I'll suffer through. Pretend to be working. I find all kinds of odd web-sites when I'm at work. cfox.com has some good resources (under "Geeks"... yeah, I'm a geek - get over it) Pilfered some really cool pics, if I could figure out how I would post them. And a magazine website based in Vancouver (God, I miss that city).
www.ripemagazine.com
Check it out.
11:29. Half an hour and its lunch time. Lunch I'm going to skip so I can fly away early. I've got laundry to do at home, and all that Jazz of an apartment. I do really like that place. Maybe I'll stay: live there another year. But to live downtown... I'd love that. Need another roommate. I know a guy. I think I'd kill him. I know he'd try and kill me. Among other things.
They're talking about skinny-dipping on the radio. I'd do that. Maybe. Why is it called "Skinny"-dipping? Can only skinny people do it? If I were to dip would it be "Average-sized-girl"-dipping? And why "dip"? Tho I suppose a bunch of naked people splashing around together in the water likely won't stick to swimming.
I Digress.
(see the capital D? It was a pretty big digression; from work to average-dipping)
Remember that post about loving summer and art galleries and appetizers? I saw the Cat display at the Art Gallery of Nova Scotia on the weekend. Thrilled me chilled me. I love cats almost as much as I love art. No appetizers and boardwalks yet tho. But I've got plans for Shakespeare by the Sea.
I should start working.
I scored an A+ on my final english paper (research on the Shipping News). I think I blew him away, he barely took anything off for grammar. That thrilled me almost as much as the Cats. Marks aren't up yet for the course, but I'm banking on an A. Sweet Ass. I think "Uber-Happy" would be appropriate.
Yeah, work it is. (and by work I mean a combination of napping and checking out cool websites)
ciao <><
But back to work.
I actually shut the door and attempted a nap. My excuse for shutting the door when no-one does in the dept.? I was cold, and wanted the music on. Like anyone notices anyways. Its too warm in here now, and the music is gradually becoming grating, but I don't want to open the door just yet. I'll suffer through. Pretend to be working. I find all kinds of odd web-sites when I'm at work. cfox.com has some good resources (under "Geeks"... yeah, I'm a geek - get over it) Pilfered some really cool pics, if I could figure out how I would post them. And a magazine website based in Vancouver (God, I miss that city).
www.ripemagazine.com
Check it out.
11:29. Half an hour and its lunch time. Lunch I'm going to skip so I can fly away early. I've got laundry to do at home, and all that Jazz of an apartment. I do really like that place. Maybe I'll stay: live there another year. But to live downtown... I'd love that. Need another roommate. I know a guy. I think I'd kill him. I know he'd try and kill me. Among other things.
They're talking about skinny-dipping on the radio. I'd do that. Maybe. Why is it called "Skinny"-dipping? Can only skinny people do it? If I were to dip would it be "Average-sized-girl"-dipping? And why "dip"? Tho I suppose a bunch of naked people splashing around together in the water likely won't stick to swimming.
I Digress.
(see the capital D? It was a pretty big digression; from work to average-dipping)
Remember that post about loving summer and art galleries and appetizers? I saw the Cat display at the Art Gallery of Nova Scotia on the weekend. Thrilled me chilled me. I love cats almost as much as I love art. No appetizers and boardwalks yet tho. But I've got plans for Shakespeare by the Sea.
I should start working.
I scored an A+ on my final english paper (research on the Shipping News). I think I blew him away, he barely took anything off for grammar. That thrilled me almost as much as the Cats. Marks aren't up yet for the course, but I'm banking on an A. Sweet Ass. I think "Uber-Happy" would be appropriate.
Yeah, work it is. (and by work I mean a combination of napping and checking out cool websites)
ciao <><
Monday, June 21, 2004
and you're damn nonsensical
Ahhh the Refreshments. 'Fizzy Fuzzy Big And Buzzy' is by far my favorite music compilation, spanning years. any mood, any setting, and i can fall into their music for hours. you can stay, as long as you don't mind my singing. Reminds me of summer time and driving with Jo, and of singing at the tops of our lungs at home, only slightly worried that we'd blow moms speakers, or -worse- get caught. i remember when someone in class called it "country" and i was SO insulted. not that i don't like country, but this definitely does not qualify. "The Refreshments" gets me many blank looks and "Who??"'s when i answer my fav. alltime music, but i'll never let them go: the crazy hyped up music, and cooky lyrics will always be a part of my life...
so lets go down together
<><
so lets go down together
<><
Thursday, June 10, 2004
amazing what you can find out about a person in a day...
Its insane how you can know something about a person for sooo long, and not even realize it until one day it sits you right on your ass. we let ourselves get into these relationships, and then make excuses for all the bad things, because deep down 'they're a nice person'... sometimes i really don't know. having the greatest of intentions and actually being a nice person are two very different things. maybe i have a convoluted perspective of what life and people should be like, maybe i expect too much out of a relationship; but is it too much to expect that people are considerate--and willing to put the other person first? or to trust that they wont say inappropriate things about someone else because it makes them look good? whatever happened to self-sacrifice? are people really that self-absorbed? i suppose i have a really naive view of life and the people in it. i've held on to the idea that you can expect the best of people and not be disappointed so long that maybe i missed something uber important along the way... like you CANT. arg. how do you tell someone you love that you think they're a totally self absorbed person who cant see past their own little world. and that these actions are just going to leave them alone and unhappy in the end, because eventually people wont put up with it...eventually YOU wont put up with it. i've been disappointed again and again, i dont know how much more i can take. its hard to love people like that, God give me strength... and tact when i bring it up. God give me enough tact to make up for everyone else's lack (hey that almost rhymes)
oompf!
on a brighter note... my english class just got ten times better! group work with the only hot guy in the class, score! lol. i wonder what forces were at work behind that... even tho i suckered myself into doing all the work.. ah well.
A is for apple... and essays!
<><
oompf!
on a brighter note... my english class just got ten times better! group work with the only hot guy in the class, score! lol. i wonder what forces were at work behind that... even tho i suckered myself into doing all the work.. ah well.
A is for apple... and essays!
<><
Sunday, June 06, 2004
Sunny Days
i went to class, in case it was really a question... we didnt do much, the other girl in my group wasnt prepared either. shes got like and education degree and something else too, some art thing. theres so many people in this class with so much more experience then me. a lot of ESL students (english as a second language--is that the right short form?) so they've got at least one language--and the culture associated with it--under their belt; and now theyre immersing themselves in an other. sometimes i feel like i've so limited myself by choosing this chem/physics degree. i cant go or do anything until i finish, and theres just SO MUCH i want to do. its almost like i'm not ready for another year of school... maybe i'm afraid that it will go even worse then this year did, better to avoid then fail. (thats not true, i dont believe it) well, i'm putting it off like nothing else anyways.
Today is sunny and beautiful. and i'm inside. cant figure out the password for the laptop, so i'm going to read on the couch (rather then write this essay OR go outside, hurrah procrastination). I skipped out on a sociable bbq and took a bus home from church this morning. i picked up a copy of the coast on the way... and totally missed my bus stop! so engrossed in the articles, it was funny i'm sure. there was a bit about not picking the flowers the city plants. damn, i felt guilty... i love those flowers. if it comes off a bush is it still stealing? (really pushing to get some guilt free lilacs) aside from the flowers tho, summer has me so excited, and so full of plans... going to the art gallery, shakespeare by the sea, out for appetizers and walking the boardwalk... camping, the beach, the beach, the beach (i'm really excited about the beach)... so much to do. I really am lucky to live in this beautiful city, and to have so many amazing opportunities presented to me. i suppose i'm not falling too short on this 'experience' thing... i might speak horrible french, but i still have enormous appreciation of culture and beauty, and people.
<><
Today is sunny and beautiful. and i'm inside. cant figure out the password for the laptop, so i'm going to read on the couch (rather then write this essay OR go outside, hurrah procrastination). I skipped out on a sociable bbq and took a bus home from church this morning. i picked up a copy of the coast on the way... and totally missed my bus stop! so engrossed in the articles, it was funny i'm sure. there was a bit about not picking the flowers the city plants. damn, i felt guilty... i love those flowers. if it comes off a bush is it still stealing? (really pushing to get some guilt free lilacs) aside from the flowers tho, summer has me so excited, and so full of plans... going to the art gallery, shakespeare by the sea, out for appetizers and walking the boardwalk... camping, the beach, the beach, the beach (i'm really excited about the beach)... so much to do. I really am lucky to live in this beautiful city, and to have so many amazing opportunities presented to me. i suppose i'm not falling too short on this 'experience' thing... i might speak horrible french, but i still have enormous appreciation of culture and beauty, and people.
<><
Thursday, June 03, 2004
almost friday
so the week flew.
class in 15, i dont want to go but i promised myself i'd give everything to this course - so that i can prove to myself i CAN ace it. stupid goals, i'd rather sleep. not really. we're critiquing an ad, attendance is mandatory. maybe i'll skip out at the break. is grammer really that important? (i say this, and think to myself: duh Laura, of course it is, thats not even a decent question)
So my sister visited me after lunch (well, i didnt actually take a lunch, but whatever). I miss her lots. i can see her changing and it scares me, i dont want her to change without me, even though i know it would never change us. But if she moves out to dads... i dunno, i'll be dreadfully envious and want to move there also i suppose. i have dibs on the basement suite (there, its in writing and therefore true).
24 hours and 40 minutes until the weekend. sad, very sad, that i can write that and be excited.
<><
class in 15, i dont want to go but i promised myself i'd give everything to this course - so that i can prove to myself i CAN ace it. stupid goals, i'd rather sleep. not really. we're critiquing an ad, attendance is mandatory. maybe i'll skip out at the break. is grammer really that important? (i say this, and think to myself: duh Laura, of course it is, thats not even a decent question)
So my sister visited me after lunch (well, i didnt actually take a lunch, but whatever). I miss her lots. i can see her changing and it scares me, i dont want her to change without me, even though i know it would never change us. But if she moves out to dads... i dunno, i'll be dreadfully envious and want to move there also i suppose. i have dibs on the basement suite (there, its in writing and therefore true).
24 hours and 40 minutes until the weekend. sad, very sad, that i can write that and be excited.
<><
Tuesday, June 01, 2004
blog number one
So this is the first. Hopefully the first in a long drawn out series that will vary from wildly entertaining and brain-numbingly boring.
blogs are like that tiny crack in the fence that lets you see just enough to catch a glimpse of everything thats going on inside. you dont actually get in, but theres that sense of connection, understanding, like all you have to do is reach just a bit and you can touch it.
of course, thats just for me. some people spill their lives, some people make lives up. I want to create a melody thats gone before you can catch it... until you realize hours later you're humming the tune.
And so it begins....
<>< peace
blogs are like that tiny crack in the fence that lets you see just enough to catch a glimpse of everything thats going on inside. you dont actually get in, but theres that sense of connection, understanding, like all you have to do is reach just a bit and you can touch it.
of course, thats just for me. some people spill their lives, some people make lives up. I want to create a melody thats gone before you can catch it... until you realize hours later you're humming the tune.
And so it begins....
<>< peace
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