and you're damn nonsensical

Ahhh the Refreshments. 'Fizzy Fuzzy Big And Buzzy' is by far my favorite music compilation, spanning years. any mood, any setting, and i can fall into their music for hours. you can stay, as long as you don't mind my singing. Reminds me of summer time and driving with Jo, and of singing at the tops of our lungs at home, only slightly worried that we'd blow moms speakers, or -worse- get caught. i remember when someone in class called it "country" and i was SO insulted. not that i don't like country, but this definitely does not qualify. "The Refreshments" gets me many blank looks and "Who??"'s when i answer my fav. alltime music, but i'll never let them go: the crazy hyped up music, and cooky lyrics will always be a part of my life...

so lets go down together

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amazing what you can find out about a person in a day...

Its insane how you can know something about a person for sooo long, and not even realize it until one day it sits you right on your ass. we let ourselves get into these relationships, and then make excuses for all the bad things, because deep down 'they're a nice person'... sometimes i really don't know. having the greatest of intentions and actually being a nice person are two very different things. maybe i have a convoluted perspective of what life and people should be like, maybe i expect too much out of a relationship; but is it too much to expect that people are considerate--and willing to put the other person first? or to trust that they wont say inappropriate things about someone else because it makes them look good? whatever happened to self-sacrifice? are people really that self-absorbed? i suppose i have a really naive view of life and the people in it. i've held on to the idea that you can expect the best of people and not be disappointed so long that maybe i missed something uber important along the way... like you CANT. arg. how do you tell someone you love that you think they're a totally self absorbed person who cant see past their own little world. and that these actions are just going to leave them alone and unhappy in the end, because eventually people wont put up with it...eventually YOU wont put up with it. i've been disappointed again and again, i dont know how much more i can take. its hard to love people like that, God give me strength... and tact when i bring it up. God give me enough tact to make up for everyone else's lack (hey that almost rhymes)

oompf!

on a brighter note... my english class just got ten times better! group work with the only hot guy in the class, score! lol. i wonder what forces were at work behind that... even tho i suckered myself into doing all the work.. ah well.
A is for apple... and essays!

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Sunny Days

i went to class, in case it was really a question... we didnt do much, the other girl in my group wasnt prepared either. shes got like and education degree and something else too, some art thing. theres so many people in this class with so much more experience then me. a lot of ESL students (english as a second language--is that the right short form?) so they've got at least one language--and the culture associated with it--under their belt; and now theyre immersing themselves in an other. sometimes i feel like i've so limited myself by choosing this chem/physics degree. i cant go or do anything until i finish, and theres just SO MUCH i want to do. its almost like i'm not ready for another year of school... maybe i'm afraid that it will go even worse then this year did, better to avoid then fail. (thats not true, i dont believe it) well, i'm putting it off like nothing else anyways.

Today is sunny and beautiful. and i'm inside. cant figure out the password for the laptop, so i'm going to read on the couch (rather then write this essay OR go outside, hurrah procrastination). I skipped out on a sociable bbq and took a bus home from church this morning. i picked up a copy of the coast on the way... and totally missed my bus stop! so engrossed in the articles, it was funny i'm sure. there was a bit about not picking the flowers the city plants. damn, i felt guilty... i love those flowers. if it comes off a bush is it still stealing? (really pushing to get some guilt free lilacs) aside from the flowers tho, summer has me so excited, and so full of plans... going to the art gallery, shakespeare by the sea, out for appetizers and walking the boardwalk... camping, the beach, the beach, the beach (i'm really excited about the beach)... so much to do. I really am lucky to live in this beautiful city, and to have so many amazing opportunities presented to me. i suppose i'm not falling too short on this 'experience' thing... i might speak horrible french, but i still have enormous appreciation of culture and beauty, and people.

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almost friday

so the week flew.

class in 15, i dont want to go but i promised myself i'd give everything to this course - so that i can prove to myself i CAN ace it. stupid goals, i'd rather sleep. not really. we're critiquing an ad, attendance is mandatory. maybe i'll skip out at the break. is grammer really that important? (i say this, and think to myself: duh Laura, of course it is, thats not even a decent question)

So my sister visited me after lunch (well, i didnt actually take a lunch, but whatever). I miss her lots. i can see her changing and it scares me, i dont want her to change without me, even though i know it would never change us. But if she moves out to dads... i dunno, i'll be dreadfully envious and want to move there also i suppose. i have dibs on the basement suite (there, its in writing and therefore true).

24 hours and 40 minutes until the weekend. sad, very sad, that i can write that and be excited.

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blog number one

So this is the first. Hopefully the first in a long drawn out series that will vary from wildly entertaining and brain-numbingly boring.

blogs are like that tiny crack in the fence that lets you see just enough to catch a glimpse of everything thats going on inside. you dont actually get in, but theres that sense of connection, understanding, like all you have to do is reach just a bit and you can touch it.

of course, thats just for me. some people spill their lives, some people make lives up. I want to create a melody thats gone before you can catch it... until you realize hours later you're humming the tune.

And so it begins....

<>< peace