I'm gonna show you love in every language

Rain rain on my face. Hasn't stopped raining for days.

The opening lines of Jars of Clay. Or were they the opening? Funny how out of only 4 songs I cant remember what came when. It was the excitement I believe, my excitement at actually hearing jars of clay singing live not 40 feet away from me. Excitement? There must be another word for it, that doesn't seem to come close. I was jumping up and down. And not at the appropriate song jumping moments. It was the random I-love-you-guys kind of jumping. Ah yeah. I love crazy people in crowds.

And the music. Oh the music was so great. It was so amazing to hear the words actually coming from them. Jars of Clay has been such a part of my, 'spiritual journey' I guess is a good way to put it. Their songs seem to mimic my thoughts and feelings so much ( I think I've posted something like this before, I wont get into it) and its just so much to be able to hear it live. I'm listening right now, to the "If I Left the Zoo" album. Funny how they sound different, after seeing them in person.

We even waited outside the tour bus *sigh*.... groupie-wannabe-sad I know. It started out as an effort to cheer Sharon up, "We'll shake the bus! And then they'll come out and sing your favorite song for you!" and then they weren't there (at least no bus) but we saw a bus, so we ran after it--only to discover that it was just a bus there to pick up a group of kids and old people. So we walked on, rounded the corner, and there was a BIG WHITE BUS. It HAD to be theirs. And while it was running, there was no driver. So, convienently waiting for our "moms to pick us up", we stayed outside the doors and chatted. And chatted. And chatted. And then someone wanted to go home. So we chatted a bit more. And then, lo and behold, there was the drummer! And so we laughed, and chatted some more. The guitarist and lead singer also came out, while we continued to chat. Then feeling suitably foolish for waiting for them with out actually speaking to them, we took off for dairyqueen. And ran into some people videotaping in the street and this cute guy with an accent asked us if we'd had a great time at the festival. hehe, Sharon said they were the African band - tree 63?... But I doubt it.

So that was the night. There was a whole lot more - the other bands, some inspirational talking, some prayer, Franklin Grahm - but for me it was the Jars of Clay action that was the ultimate highlight. That and the part where the whole floor of the stadium was filled with people giving their lives to God. Jesus Rocks Man! It feels so great to be surrounded by that. That kind of amazing feeling that you'll never ever find anywhere else but in the presence of God.

Jars also played MY favorite song - Love Song for a savior. It was truly great.

"He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heaven"

"And we'll fall in his arms and the tears will fall down and we'll pray"
"I want to fall in love with you"

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...Lust at a $7 cover charge

Ahhh, the Palace. La Palaci. Last chance for Romance. Lust at the price of a $7 cover and a couple of glasses of cheap alcohol.

So why did I go there last night? Not to pick up, for sure. To ogle guys? To be ogled by guys? To have that brief contact with someone purely on the basis that he is male and I am female? At one time these reasons would have worked, back in the tender days of being 19 and fresh in a club (I shudder at the thought). But not now. So why do I go? Why did I drink half a bottle of wine last night, get dressed up in my heels, put on mascara and gloss, and then catch a bus to that very place? I honestly do not have an answer to that.

In the beginning I needed the confidence it gave me - guys hit on the hot girls, and somehow I always got hit on. But thats not me now, I'm so past that - being hot or not isn't an issue anymore, and besides, guys at a club will hit on just about anything. This discovered knowledge didn't stop me from going out and doing stupid stuff. Instead I went under the pretense that I wanted to go dancing. The music was worth the rest of the crap one had to put up with while out. And I do love shaking my booty on the dance floor. Pony, Peaches&Cream, Bootylicious... The songs get my hips movin. I'd be on the dance floor all night, whiskey in hand, avoiding eye-contact with the drunk guy next to me; his hands too, as was often the case. It worked fine for a long time--aside from the occasional "Get Lost" I had a great time. Until something changed. Maybe it was the music, we steered away from the pounding bass and sexy lyrics to the down right dirty bump-and-grind action. Catering to the people, and the people wanted music to grind to. The People, excluding me. I've grown way above bumping and grinding on a dance floor. Except, if my reason for going out was to dance, and now I don't even like the dancing action on the floor, why do I still go out?

I cant fathom it. Last night was, to be honest, terrifically boring. Sure, I checked out some guys, got checked out, had a few laughs. But did I really need to go through all the crap to get there??? It's not worth it. Not at the palace anyways. I don't really desire to see a bunch of half dressed teenagers having sex on a dance floor because they're too drunk to see straight. Makes me sick sometimes. Its not that I'm so much older or better than them. I was there! Not even a whole year ago. Its sad really. I love getting dressed up, I love wine and gin and heels and earrings. I love walking with confidence through a crowd. Getting drinks at the bar and flirting with the bartender. But I don't love getting my ass grabbed by some drunk buffoon who has lost all the manners his momma gave him (or didn't, as may be the case). I don't love feeling sad because some poor girl could be making the biggest mistake. Because some guy is making the same mistake. Because we are told that its ok. Because our society is so centered on things like looking good and getting laid. Because I support all this crap by being there.

I suppose we all grow up eventually. I hope we all do. I haven't seen a whole lot of convincing evidence, but there must come an age and maturity when we're above it all. When a classy bar with martinis, or an easy pub and beer, or a couch and some friends, looks a hundred times better than having the drink you just spent 6 bucks on spilt down the cleavage of a shirt you really shouldn't be wearing. When we come to realize that there's more to going out and having a good time than just getting laid. That having a guy hit on you for your boobs (or ass or drunken state) is degrading, not flattering. We are so much more than that--why do we settle for less?

I might not be there yet--I'll still go back to the Palace (or Dome or Rain or wherever). But the time is coming like a whirlwind when I'll see that I've got better things to do with my time then shake my ass with the rest of my drunken peers.

<><

... This is so beautiful... Jars of Clay are so very blessed... WE are so very blessed! I think this must be my favorite Jars song...

Love Song For A Savior ~ Jars of Clay

In open fields of wild flowers,
she breathes the air and flies away
She thanks her Jesus for the daises and the roses
in no simple language
Someday she'll understand the meaning of it all

He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on her lips
Someday she'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call her and she will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and she'll pray,

I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You

Sitting silent wearing Sunday best
The sermon echoes through the walls
A great salvation through it calls to the people
who stare into nowhere, and can't feel the chains on their souls

It seems too easy to call you "Savior",
Not close enough to call you "God"
So as I sit and think of words I can mention
to show my devotion

I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You

He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on our lips
Someday we'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call us and we will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and we'll pray,

I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You
I want to fall in love with You...

my heart beats for You...